Supporting someone

It takes a lot of courage for someone to talk about their experience of domestic and family violence. How you respond will make a difference to someone's wellbeing and how they manage their next steps. 

You can be supportive by:

• Taking the time to listen to their story, validating them without judging them or their situation.
• Making sure they have the privacy to safely tell their story.
• Not asking too many questions about what has happened — this can be intrusive and might re-traumatise the person.
• Not arguing with them or pushing them to do something they are not ready for or don’t want to do.
• Respecting their right to have control over what they say and the actions they want to take.
• Asking about the support they have at the moment and encouraging them to find professional support. This can include speaking with a 1800RESPECT counsellor, or a local service which you can help them find by searching our Service Directory.
• If you are a professional supporting someone who wants to leave, creating a safety plan can be good starting point. You can learn more about safety planning by speaking with a 1800RESPECT counsellor, or you can find our safety planning checklist here.  

When someone experiences sexual violence, the people they choose to talk to about it play a key role.

It can be hard to know how to respond and you may be worried about doing the wrong thing. 

There are some simple things you can do to better support someone:

• Listen - Some people want to talk about what happened to them, and some people do not. Listen without interrupting, and don’t judge when they are ready to talk.
• Believe them - When someone tells you they have experienced sexual harassment, assault or violence, it is important to believe them. Be considerate of the questions you are asking them.
• Never blame - A person who has experienced sexual violence is never to be blamed for what happened. It doesn’t matter what a person was wearing or if they were drunk or on drugs, sexual violence is never okay. Someone's age, cultural background or relationship to the person or people who hurt them is never an excuse for violence.
• After experiencing sexual violence some people do not want to be touched - If you are supporting them, you may want to offer comfort by putting your arm around them or giving them a hug. Always ask first. Touching without asking if it is okay may bring back bad memories from the assault.
• If someone has decided to report what has happened to them, you may want to share support services that can provide information and guide them through legal processes. This can include:
  • How to report a crime to police
  • Information on what to expect when undergoing forensic medical examinations. 

It's important that someone who has experienced sexual violence has as much control as possible over what they do next. You can help by finding support services and knowing how to use them. 

It can be a hard choice for a person who has experienced domestic, family or sexual violence to report it to the police.

Even if people want to make a report of what has happen to them, they may still be worried about it. They may be scared for their safety or nervous about the impacts it can have on them.

A person who has experienced sexual assault may decide not to report to police, or not to have a medical exam.

This is their choice and you must respect this.

Getting the right information at the right time, can make all the difference when making an informed decision about reporting what has happened. If the person you are supporting does want to make a report, it can be helpful to find services that can help.

This could be a police assistance line or sexual assault services who know how the system works. This gives the person who has experienced the violence more support, control and choice. 1800RESPECT’s counsellors can provide you with information or refer you to a specialist organisation for your circumstances.

When reporting what has happened, dealing with police and legal services can be difficult. Legal language can be hard to understand. Always advise the person you are supporting to ask questions if there is something they don’t know or you can ask on their behalf. 

You can speak to a 1800RESPECT counsellor via call 1800 737 732, text 0458 737 732 or our website for online chat service and video call services. You can also find services in your area by searching on our Service Directory.